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Band 7

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
There is a reduction in the number of species including
animals
 and plants in numerous countries. The reason would be excessive usage and contamination in the environment. These causes need to be solved to save these
creatures
. A decline in many species is
due to
 overusing and not having an eco-friendly approach to the
planet
. As the food consumed by humans is supplied through eating
animals
 and plants; there are tonnes of meat and vegetables consumed daily which makes supplying enough sources hard and
this
 will lead to the destructive use of these
creatures
 as
people
 cannot stop eating.
That is
 why we face
animals
 and plants on the verge of extinction.
Moreover
, toxins caused by industrial activities make the
planet
 unsafe to survive for these species. Fish cannot live in the ocean packed with many plastic bags and trees cannot absorb water without the chemicals in them. Pollution and careless usage are the main causes to reduce the numbers of these
creatures
. Immediate actions needed to solve these problematic issues can be considered as educating
people
 about how their usage can have an impact on the lives of other
creatures
 and more importantly finding environmentally friendly methods for our activities. Education should be encouraged as an effective way to prevent catastrophic outcomes of over-using
of
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food sources. In Sweden, There are hundreds of
people
 who promote awareness that limiting your diet to a small amount can have a massive influence. Another way would be considered as more strict control over the chemicals imposed on the
planet
 to have healthier soil and water leading to better quality of living conditions. In conclusion, it is noticeable that pollution and consumption are the major reasons for the decline in the number of trees and
animals
. In order to deal with
this
 concern, educating
people
 and the limitation of chemicals imposed on the
planet
 should be taken into account.
Submitted by rahimdoust on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay showed a logical progression of ideas by clearly stating your viewpoint and extending your points with a relevant example. However, some ideas could be elaborated on further to support your main points more explicitly.
task achievement
You've addressed the task questions sufficiently and provided specific examples. You could improve by exploring each point in a bit more depth to provide a more comprehensive view.
lexical resource
Make sure to use a good balance of both complex and simple sentences to display your grammatical range. While your vocabulary is well selected, careful editing is needed to avoid word repetition.
grammatical range and accuracy
Your range of grammatical structures is quite broad, but there are areas for improvement. Pay more attention to the accurate and appropriate use of connectives and conjunctions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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