At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

Answer text Nowadays, in some countries, the population of younger

adults

are more

Verb problem

show examples

higher than elderly

people

. I agree with the above notion and

this

essay will discuss how

this

trend benefits

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and

surpass

Correct subject-verb agreement

surpasses

show examples

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

downside.

To begin

with, young ones are the epitome of the new future and new hope. Younger as they are, they are more active and resilient to changes.

Hence

, with the new technological advances that we have, younger ones are more

equip

Change the form of the verb

equipped

show examples

to do things in

Add an article

a more

show examples

convenient and efficient way.

For instance

, younger

adults

are more productive at

work

since they are more career-oriented and

focus

Replace the word

focused

show examples

goal persons. They can

work

longer hours too and spare time with friends at night if they can.

That is

why there are

adults

Change preposition

show examples

their early age of 20s or 30s

already

Correct pronoun usage

who already

show examples

achieved their goals

to have

Change preposition

of having

show examples

their own house or own car with their own determination and

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

On the other hand

, there are still elderly

people

striving hard to

work

for years. These elderly

people

have enough

work

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

to become successful in their respective careers. They are

well respected

Add a hyphen

well-respected

show examples

and well-rounded individuals.

Thus

, young

adults

and elderly

people

tend to compete with each other at

work

For example

, young ones are more computer-literate and fast, so better and more job offers are open to them

while

elderly

people

has

Verb problem

are

show examples

given lesser and

easy

Replace the word

easier

show examples

task

Fix the agreement mistake

tasks

show examples

To sum up

, both young

adults

and older

people

should and can benefit from each other in order to achieve a common goal. It is a synergistic effect that

people

should learn how to communicate

Change preposition

with

show examples

each other to help one another.

Their

Replace the word

There

show examples

is no doubt that every age group is essential to build a better nation.

Submitted by jtumacole10 on Fri Sep 08 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Is it important for people to take risks, both in their professional and personal lives. do you think the awdvantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages

Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your Opinion about this?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.