IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development on both family and society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Nowadays the great majority of people tend to live without children at a young age, though it may lead our society to bad consequences.
Although
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 the
last
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 opinion can be right in some cases, I would say that the decision to have kids later is better. Let us start by looking at the advantages of that trend. In many countries, especially in Europe, adults choose to improve their life conditions
instead
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 of making a family.
As a result
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, by their thirties, they
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 stable salaries, houses, cars, and other precious things.
According to
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 statistics, kids in
such
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 families are wealthier, they live with a sureness about the next day and as a rule have
good
Add an article
a good
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 education. If we look at the situation in poor countries, where parents do not care about the young generation's future, we will see that teenagers have no education, no money and sometimes, no food. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is obvious that children scarcity may affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society in a bad way.
For example
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, In Japan
due to
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 the focus on careers, people choose to work hard rather than pay attention to relationships. Unless we do not take action urgently, Japan will face the greatest problems,
such
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 as a lack of population
as well as
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 national traditions disappearance. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that the decision not to have children as fast as we can is not so detrimental to the world. It is better to provide everything for future generations in the consciousness age so that to improve our future as well.

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task response
Task Achievement: The response addresses the topic, but the points lack depth and development. More specific examples and a deeper analysis of the impacts are needed to fully address the task.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion and the main points are supported effectively. However, the logical structure could be improved by organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner. Additionally, using appropriate linking devices, such as transition words and phrases, would enhance the essay's coherence.
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