IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Modern technology has made it very easy to access anything over the internet, young generation loves to keep themselves entertained by playing
games
 available online. These days young
people
 prefer to play extreme
games
 which contain violent content and some
people
 think that could be the reason for spiked crime rates and the violent nature of the urban areas around the globe.
This
 essay will discuss, relative discussion and provide a relevant example to support the sentence. Technology has indeed impacted each and every aspect of life which includes entertainment. The Modern concept of superheroes and superpower has captivated young minds and their fantasies to save the world from evil. Violent
games
 are very popular amongst children, and they always try to play
games
such
 as Counterstrike and PUB-G etc. Some of them play all the time and it becomes their hobby when it is unsupervised by the parents. These may affect their tender minds and they try to implement their fantasies in the real world. The entertainment world shows no difference between right
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 wrong and
thus
 sometimes many of them have wrong impacts.
Nevertheless
, the crime rate has been constantly growing in the cities and no wonder that most young
people
 are the root cause of it. Because what you feed yourself, is how you grow. Having
such
 entertainment sources around them takes away the ability to think and increases anger issues as children grasp faster what they see and learn without being supervised or being controlled.
People
 sometimes kill each other over a small matter of things or have the feeling of revenge.
For example
, In New Delhi
last
 month a schoolboy threw his friend off the roof,
while
 they were playing a video game together. In my opinion, it is important to have controlled sources and certain websites of
games
 should be banned as they cannot differentiate between right or wrong or between ethical or unethical until it is taught practically and the atmosphere around them should always be kept pleasant so they grow out to be better persons in life.
Submitted by desairadha28 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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