Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

There is a clear indication that the number of the population who prefer to try another method rather than visit their doctor, as usual, has increased. Based on my opinion,
this
is a negative development,
due to
malpractice, decreased number of doctors, and the downfall of the nation's economy.
Firstly
, the problem that could occur is the high possibility of malpractice could happen
due to
individuals' decision to try other alternative treatments.
For instance
, if an individual visits an unknown and illegalised practitioner, the diagnosis will not be appropriate and suitable based on the condition mentioned.
Furthermore
, in the end, it could lead to death. Another issue is the change in people's choices that will directly impact the health practitioners' lives, as they will be faced with the fall of patients number each day.
Therefore
, their income will not be as big as it used to be,
while
, they have spent so much time and money to pursue medicine and get legalized to open practice.
As a result
, individuals will not pursue medicine again and the surge fall in doctors quantity is foreseeable.
Last
but not least, the economy will be highly affected as medicine is the most wanted career choice and has contributed greatly to the growth of the country.
For example
, hospitals would directly experience the shrinkage of patient visitation and the shortage of health practitioners.
Thus
, hospitals will go bankrupt and the development of the health sector will be stagnant.
As a result
, the country's economic field will take a massive turn in the bad direction. In conclusion, a humongous population's preference to opt for a more traditional practice than the common one will bring a variety of negatives.
Thus
, individuals should really rethink their decision before making one.
Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure your essay has a clear progression of ideas, with each paragraph naturally leading to the next. Use cohesive devices to transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, enhance them by stating your main argument more clearly in the introduction and summarizing the key points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Each idea should be expanded upon with clear evidence or reasoning to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully respond to the task by directly addressing all parts of the question. Expand on how the shift towards alternative medicines impacts not only the negative aspects but also consider potential positives to present a balanced view.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas further to ensure they are comprehensive. Make sure that each paragraph contains one central idea that is thoroughly explained and connected to the main topic.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples that directly support your arguments. Doing so will help to illustrate your points and make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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