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Band 5

Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. Do you agree that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society
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Aging
Correct article usage
The aging
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 is one of the
commonly
Correct quantifier usage
most commonly
show examples
 discussed topics around the world.
By having
Change preposition
Having
show examples
 more elderly
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
certainly creates
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
diminishing
Correct article usage
a diminishing
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 workforce and insufficient
pension
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 comes with benefits whereby
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have more experience whereby they are able to guide the young ones. Considering all
angle
Fix the agreement mistake
angles
show examples
, I am
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the opinion that
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 comes with more disadvantages than advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main issue with
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 is not having enough
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
 to drive the economy.
People
Use synonyms
 should not be working for their entire
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
hence
Linking Words
,
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
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 age is mandated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 around the world. When a country
is
Verb problem
lacks
show examples
 lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
show examples
, it will
then
Linking Words
 have to import it from other countries. A big influx of foreigners could change the country’s demography and even potentially create social unrest.
Besides
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 that,
pension
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
 of many countries rely heavily on younger employees to actively contribute to the
funds
Use synonyms
 in order to generate enough returns for its existing members. A country with more elderly than young
bloods
Change the wording
blood
types of blood
drops of blood
show examples
 means the
pension
Use synonyms
 fund is not sustainable.
Consequently
Linking Words
, with lower investment returns,
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 standards of the elderly might be impacted as well. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 always two sides to a coin. Apart from the downsides, an obvious advantage of having
Correct article usage
an aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 is the elderly are able to mentor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 and lead them onto the right path. As the saying goes: “old is gold”. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to make mistakes
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of experience and
this
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 can be effectively mitigated by having the elderly around.
However
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, in my opinion, the advantage of
aging
Add an article
the aging
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 does not outweigh the disadvantageous. Not having enough young
people
Use synonyms
 in the country has more serious implications. Issues
such
Linking Words
 as not enough workforces and diminishing
return
Fix the agreement mistake
returns
show examples
 of
pension
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
 are extremely challenging to manage. We can see
this
Linking Words
 from Japan, which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 taken multiple approaches to reverse the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
, but, to no avail. In conclusion, a healthy mix of
population
Use synonyms
 is key to
drive
Wrong verb form
driving
show examples
 the nation forward. Governments need to always have updated demography data and act
accordingly
Linking Words
 in order to maintain a balanced
population
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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