Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. Do you agree that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society

Aging

Correct article usage

The aging

show examples

population

is one of the

commonly

Correct quantifier usage

most commonly

show examples

discussed topics around the world.

By having

Change preposition

Having

show examples

more elderly

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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certainly creates

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

such

diminishing

Correct article usage

a diminishing

show examples

workforce and insufficient

pension

funds

However

, it

also

comes with benefits whereby

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

have more experience whereby they are able to guide the young ones. Considering all

angle

Fix the agreement mistake

angles

show examples

, I am

Change preposition

show examples

the opinion that

Correct article usage

the aging

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

comes with more disadvantages than advantages.

Firstly

, the main issue with

Correct article usage

the aging

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

is not having enough

workforces

Fix the agreement mistake

workforce

show examples

to drive the economy.

People

should not be working for their entire

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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hence

retirement

Correct article usage

the retirement

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age is mandated by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

government

Fix the agreement mistake

governments

show examples

around the world. When a country

Verb problem

lacks

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lacking

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

workforces

Fix the agreement mistake

workforce

show examples

, it will

then

have to import it from other countries. A big influx of foreigners could change the country’s demography and even potentially create social unrest.

Besides

that,

pension

funds

of many countries rely heavily on younger employees to actively contribute to the

funds

in order to generate enough returns for its existing members. A country with more elderly than young

bloods

Change the wording

blood

types of blood

drops of blood

show examples

means the

pension

fund is not sustainable.

Consequently

, with lower investment returns,

living

Correct article usage

the living

show examples

standards of the elderly might be impacted as well. There

Change the verb form

are

show examples

always two sides to a coin. Apart from the downsides, an obvious advantage of having

Correct article usage

an aging

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

is the elderly are able to mentor

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

and lead them onto the right path. As the saying goes: “old is gold”. Young

people

are more likely to make mistakes

due to

their lack of experience and

this

can be effectively mitigated by having the elderly around.

However

, in my opinion, the advantage of

aging

Add an article

the aging

show examples

population

does not outweigh the disadvantageous. Not having enough young

people

in the country has more serious implications. Issues

such

as not enough workforces and diminishing

return

Fix the agreement mistake

returns

show examples

pension

funds

are extremely challenging to manage. We can see

this

from Japan, which

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

taken multiple approaches to reverse the

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population

, but, to no avail. In conclusion, a healthy mix of

population

is key to

drive

Wrong verb form

driving

show examples

the nation forward. Governments need to always have updated demography data and act

accordingly

in order to maintain a balanced

population

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Sat Sep 09 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

355 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. Do you agree that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write a reply to Sara. In your email, you have to describe Manchester and the weather there, tell her about your part-time job, the family you are staying with, and your activities in the evening, and finally you have to write about your English classes there

Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not effective. Education and job training should be used instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?