Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent technological developments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Improvements in technology that occurred in the distant past produced more positive effects than the developments that have occurred in the
last
few years. I completely agree with this
statement and the following paragraphs shall outline the reasons for this
belief.
The early telephone completely revolutionized the way business was done and benefited humanity greatly. For the first ,time people could send messages long distances with ease and the pace of business increased dramatically making more people richer and creating more job opportunities. However
, these days when the latest iPhone update comes out the only real shift has to do with fashion rather than providing any real new benefits. For example
, now you can upload items to a ‘cloud’, or play more advanced games, but neither of these advancements in any way compares to the early time phones were released to the public.
Similarly
to the above, the early computers also
transformed the way companies ran their businesses. Previously there were filing cabinets full of paperwork and accessing that information could take hours to locate the piece of information that you wanted. In ,contrast though, computers have been around for so long now that they have almost reached their limit in terms of how useful they could possibly be. For example
, the only real modification that happens now is new releases of the Windows operating system and the so-called growth is actually just considered an annoying transformation to many rather than actual progress.
In summary, the most profound long-lasting impacts that technology has brought us occurred many years ago. These days’ beneficial development now comes in very small increments and I believe that will continue to be the case in the future.Submitted by i.nuraliyev on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph that directly support your overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address the topic from multiple perspectives, even if your position is strongly for or against, to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Keep providing specific examples to support your ideas; this strengthens your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic beyond surface level.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your argument, helping readers understand your position from the outset.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your viewpoint, creating a strong closing argument.
Structure
You have done an excellent job of structuring your essay into clear, logical paragraphs, each supporting your overall thesis.
Supporting Examples
The use of specific examples, such as the development of the telephone and early computers, significantly strengthens your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite