IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating high school. What do you think are the reasons? What can be done to teach them this important skill?

#people #money #school #skill
Many youngsters are not able to plan for their
money
 after graduation from high school. It seems some causes result in
this
 issue and
also
 proper actions must be taken to train them in
this
 regard. In
this
 essay, some reasons and solutions will be discussed. It is an undeniable fact that every person's initial teacher is his parents and the basic skills should be taught by them. If a child does not learn about spending and saving
money
 skills, he will definitely face huge financial problems in his future life.
In addition
, younger generations try to copy whatever their friends do
such
 as overspending
money
 on unnecessary stuff. Since they just think about having fun and being popular among their friends, they do not pay attention to the essential need for
money
management
. A case in point is the students who bully their classmates by spending more
money
 on their needs. It is generally acknowledged that there should be a subject in school to teach students about
money
management
.
Also
, Parents must inform their children about
money
's role in their lives and try to train them in its
management
 through some games.
Moreover
, it seems young individuals are grown enough to know the value of
money
. They should write a detailed plan for it monthly and
finally
 learn about
money
management
 by experience and trial.
Consequently
, it is advisable that some appropriate actions should be taken both in schools and homes to teach youngsters
money
management
 skills as was discussed, in order to prevent future problems in their lives.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body (reasons and solutions), and conclusion. A slight improvement in the distinctions between these sections could enhance the essay's readability and flow.
Linking
Try to use a variety of linking words to show relationships between ideas more clearly. While your essay generally flows well, more sophisticated connectors could improve the coherence.
Examples
Give more specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay mentions general scenarios, but including real-life examples or statistics could strengthen your points.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing reasons why young people struggle with money management and proposing solutions.
Introduction
You have a good introductory sentence that sets the stage for your discussion, showing an understanding of the essay's requirements.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main points, reinforcing your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • real-world applications
  • consumer culture
  • credit facilities
  • financial independence
  • practical financial literacy
  • manage finances
  • financial responsibility
  • money management
  • financial planning
  • tailored
  • accessible
What to do next:
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