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Band 5

some people believe that children should not be given homework everyday,while others believe that they must get homework everyday to be successful at school. Discuss both sides and share your opinion

It is frequently argued that children should receive assignments daily in order to be successful at school.
However
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, others strongly disagree. It is a controversial issue on whether
students
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 should feel pressured to study or to maintain
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 between leisure and studies. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 will be elucidated. On the first side of the coin, there are various reasons why pupils should receive
homework
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 every day.
Firstly
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, when
students
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 do multiple assignments a
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 it enhances their mental
well being
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well-being
show examples
. Many studies
illustrated
Verb problem
have illustrated
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 that the more practice a student does, the more it will eventually increase his or her performance in class.
Secondly
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,
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 all day has
uncountable
Correct word choice
countless
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 benefits.
For example
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, it could help them
in
Change preposition
at
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 university.
This
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 is
due to
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 the harsh and pressured environment that they used to
work
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 in.
Finally
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, a substantial amount of
homework
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 will assist the
students
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 in their final exams.
This
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 is attributed
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 the examples that have been given to them in the past months. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
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 side of the coin, there are
also
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 many reasons why pupils shouldn’t get daily
homework
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. To start with, too much
work
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 will decrease their
time
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 to discover themselves. Kids should get
time
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 to find activities that they admire or love.
Furthermore
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, receiving a large amount of
work
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 at the same
time
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 will lead pupils to cheat.
This
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 is because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
time
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 and various other reasons.
Moreover
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, too much
homework
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 might affect
students
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' grades. Which can lead to depression.
According to
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 a study in
2017
Punctuation problem
2017,
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 twenty
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
students
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 get depressed and exhausted from excessive studying. In conclusion, there are many advantages and disadvantages of excessive
Homework
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.
However
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, in my opinion, I believe that a lot of
work
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 could be tedious and that
students
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 should get
time
Use synonyms
 to discover themselves.

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task achievement
The essay presents both sides well, but try to expand on key points with more details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas clearly by using simple connecting words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion clearly states your opinion on homework after discussing both sides.
task achievement
You clearly stated both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a good start to the discussion, setting the topic well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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