IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after shcool. Discuss both views.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #shcool
It is often argued that if people have an academic education, finding a suitable
job
 can be guaranteed for them,
while
 others believe that
students
 should be attracted to the labour market immediately after
school
.
this
 essay will explain the benefits of both views,
however
, in my opinion, professional careers need to have a related
degree
 that makes employees knowledgeable and effective. On the one hand, continuing studying at
university
 after
school
 and getting a
degree
 related to a
job
 is a reliable way in many societies to guarantee a profitable
job
 in the
future
, so many
students
 choose universally study and gain a
degree
 in an academic major.
For instance
, many
students
 in my country study science-based fields in
university
such
 as IT engineering and computers to find grantee work in
future
due to
 the development of technology in recent decades.
On the other hand
, many people claim that studying after
school
 is a kind of a waste of money and
students
 are obliged to pay
university
 tuition to gain an
degree
 academic in which their career
future
 is not clear.
Therefore
, they believe that if
students
 find a
job
 immediately after
school
 , they will gain more experience and more money,
as a result
, they even establish their own businesses in
future
 and they do not waste their time at educational institutions.
For example
, in my country, many successful founders of big and well-known companies do not have an academic education and they absorbed the
job
 market when they were a child.
to sum up
,
although
, getting a
job
 after
school
 can save money and time for
students
 and give more experience them, studying an academic major at
university
 can give
students
 more knowledge and it is a reliable way to get related
job
 opportunities in
future
. in my estimation,
due to
 the progress of technology society needs more professional workers.
Submitted by Behnaz_rashidian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Ensure consistent capitalization for the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed examples to demonstrate deeper insight.
coherence
Avoid repetition of similar ideas or words to increase variety and engagement.
task response
You provided a balanced discussion of both perspectives, which is essential for this task type.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: