IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after shcool. Discuss both views.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #shcool
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It is often argued that if people have an academic education, finding a suitable
job
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 can be guaranteed for them,
while
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 others believe that
students
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 should be attracted to the labour market immediately after
school
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.
this
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 essay will explain the benefits of both views,
however
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, in my opinion, professional careers need to have a related
degree
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 that makes employees knowledgeable and effective. On the one hand, continuing studying at
university
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 after
school
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 and getting a
degree
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 related to a
job
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 is a reliable way in many societies to guarantee a profitable
job
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 in the
future
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, so many
students
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 choose universally study and gain a
degree
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 in an academic major.
For instance
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, many
students
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 in my country study science-based fields in
university
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such
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 as IT engineering and computers to find grantee work in
future
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due to
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 the development of technology in recent decades.
On the other hand
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, many people claim that studying after
school
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 is a kind of a waste of money and
students
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 are obliged to pay
university
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 tuition to gain an
degree
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 academic in which their career
future
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 is not clear.
Therefore
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, they believe that if
students
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 find a
job
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 immediately after
school
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 , they will gain more experience and more money,
as a result
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, they even establish their own businesses in
future
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 and they do not waste their time at educational institutions.
For example
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, in my country, many successful founders of big and well-known companies do not have an academic education and they absorbed the
job
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 market when they were a child.
to sum up
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,
although
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, getting a
job
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 after
school
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 can save money and time for
students
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 and give more experience them, studying an academic major at
university
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 can give
students
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 more knowledge and it is a reliable way to get related
job
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 opportunities in
future
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. in my estimation,
due to
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 the progress of technology society needs more professional workers.
Submitted by Behnaz_rashidian on

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coherence
Ensure consistent capitalization for the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed examples to demonstrate deeper insight.
coherence
Avoid repetition of similar ideas or words to increase variety and engagement.
task response
You provided a balanced discussion of both perspectives, which is essential for this task type.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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