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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.

The graph bellow shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2010.
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of
visitors
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 to the three museums between 2000 and 2005.
This
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 essay will summarise the bar chart and compare
museum
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visitors
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 each year. In general, the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to all the museums did not exceed 16
million
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.
Also
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, the lowest
number
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 of
visitors
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 did not fall under 6
million
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. Met
Museum
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 in New York did not have a clear trend.
In other words
Linking Words
, the MET
museum
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 suffered a sharp decrease of around half the
number
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 of
visitors
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 in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the MET
museum
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 had an increase in
a
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apply
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steady rate of
visitors
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 until 2005 with
an amount
Change the quantifier
a number
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 of
visitors
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 of around 14
million
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 surpassing the peak in 2000. Edo
Museum
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 stationed in Tokyo faced a huge decrease of more than half the amount of
visitors
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.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the Edo
Museum
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 demonstrated a steady rate of increase in visitor figures.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the National
Museum
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 in China showed an
overall
Linking Words
 increase in the
number
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 of
visitors
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 since 2000 until reached the highest peak in 2005 with a total of 16
million
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visitors
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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