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Band 5

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older. While others thinks that they should stay at home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#parents #people #home
It is deliberated by certain people that children growing up are responsible to be able to live without staying with family.
Conversely
, some families have a mindset that a whole members should live together. In
this
 essay, I will elucidate both perspectives in more detail and offer my personal viewpoint.
Firstly
, a better environment prevents the mind from getting distracted. Individuals have personal duties to respond with.
Hence
, if those are living alone or with a friend who has the same responsibilities, it will make workers more concentrated .
For example
, scientists had better spend time with other colleagues to improve their
work
 more than their families for the reason that a study can be constantly revised. The growth of research depends upon the hard strives of its workers.
On the other hand
, inhabiting with a family will promote the feeling of safety and security. No one takes care of both son and daughter more than parents.
Furthermore
, a family in which members always talk to one another tends to accomplish
such
 difficult
work
.
For instance
, one may not be good at
work
 that they have to cope with , but it is suitable for another family member. On that account,
this
work
 can continually progress by advocating from family. In conclusion, living with family when a child becomes an adult and not living with have dissimilar benefits.
Submitted by guita2808 on

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Task Response
The essay lacks a clear opinion on the topic. Make sure to clearly state your own viewpoint in the introduction and express it throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks proper logical structure. Work on organizing your ideas in a more coherent manner, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and linking your ideas together more effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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