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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the differences in how people in 3 countries learned English in 2010 and 2015

The charts below show the differences in how people in 3 countries learned English in 2010 and 2015
#show #differences #people #countries #english
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The charts illustrate the way of learning English in 3 countries from 2010 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the evening classes were more popular in all 3 countries than in all the other
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the abroad learning was the least.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 A the evening
class
Use synonyms
 occupied 70% in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of evering
class
Use synonyms
 declined to 67% in 2015.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2010 the number of people studying overseas
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 almost the same as in 2015, 25%.
Finally
Linking Words
, online
class
Use synonyms
 was 5% and it increased to half in 2015.
Use synonyms
Country
Change preposition
In country
show examples
 B in 2010, the evening
class
Use synonyms
 owned 72% of the total pie.
While
Linking Words
,in 2015 it fell sharply to 48%.
Next,
Linking Words
studying abroad in both years was similar 20%.
Country
Use synonyms
 C evening
class
Use synonyms
 had 94% of
slice
Add an article
the slice
a slice
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it has
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 decrease to 82% in 2015.
Moreover
Linking Words
, online learning took only 6% of the pie in 2010 and in 2015 it has roes to 15%.  In 2015, In
country
Use synonyms
c
Change the capitalization
C
show examples
 the abroad
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 was
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all the other
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of study 3%.
In addition
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
c
Change the capitalization
C
show examples
 the evening
class
Use synonyms
 percentage was
highest
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 than all the other ways of studying.
In2010
Correct your spelling
In 2010
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
evering
class
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A was almost similar to
Correct article usage
the
show examples
evering
class
Use synonyms
 in
country
Use synonyms
 B 70%.
Submitted by almqbalimaryam on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words country, class with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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