IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work?

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In today's world, almost all
people
Use synonyms
 are employed with jobs. In
this
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 situation, some questions may appear in our
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
. For what
reasons
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 do individuals
work
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? Do they
work
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 only
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
 money? In
this
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 essay, I will illustrate various
reasons
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 why every person occupies
position
Correct article usage
a position
show examples
. To start with, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to live in sedentary lifestyle by only sitting at their home
instead
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 of working somewhere because some
people
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 assume that it can influence
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health badly.
For example
Linking Words
, some diseases may appear
due to
Linking Words
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
show examples
 of active action of
people
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.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 workplaces is considered as an excitement for some
people
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. They got accustomed to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 busy and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 most of their time in their offices, namely their aim is not only earning money to make ends meet.
Furthermore
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, some think that their life is related to their
work
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.
Even some
Rephrase
Some
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 individuals do not want to retire
although
Linking Words
 they aged.
According to
Linking Words
one
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 research,
one
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 company dismissed
one
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 of their elderly
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
 owing to his age and required him to be retired.
Nevertheless
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, that worker did not want to retire, even
he
Correct word choice
though he
show examples
 was willing to continue his job without payment. He had
such
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 a passion for
work
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,
thus
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, he could not imagine his life without his occupation.
This
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 is
also
Linking Words
one
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 of the
reasons
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 why
people
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work
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. In
conclusio
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large number of
people
Use synonyms
 crave to be employed
for dealing
Change preposition
to deal
show examples
 with their financial problems, there are
also
Linking Words
 other
reasons
Use synonyms
 for working as I covered all of them in the paragraphs above.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • professional recognition
  • sense of purpose
  • basic needs
  • personal fulfillment
  • social interaction
  • skill development
  • job satisfaction
  • professional growth
  • financial independence
  • employment benefits
  • work-life balance
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