IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in many countries, people are now living longer than ever befor. some people say an ageing population creats problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. to what extent do the advantages of having an ageing populaion outweigh thr disadvantages?

#countries #people #befor #population #creats #governments #society #populaion #thr
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In many countries, the population of elder
people
Use synonyms
 is more than before. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that it creates problems for governments but other
people
Use synonyms
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 that opinion and argue that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial for our society. Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
 population can cause problems. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 elders are so old and they need a lot of attention. Not only can they be sick very soon , but
also
Linking Words
 it is necessary for them to have
Add an article
a
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private nurse to look after them and be available
in
Change preposition
apply
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every
hours
Change to a singular noun
hour
show examples
Change preposition
of a
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 day.
Although
Linking Words
 they have been paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 for many years,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
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 a lot for the government in their
last
Linking Words
 years of life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that older
people
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also
Linking Words
 have benefits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who have a lot of experience in their job, society and so on. So, they can be a wonderful tutor for the
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. They can advise their grandchild
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how to communicate or how to perform and act in job interviews. Meanwhile, they can be employed in the companies to control the new
employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
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 work,
for instance
Linking Words
. In conclusion, the growth of
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
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 population
have
Change the verb form
has
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 both advantages and disadvantages. They are likely to have health problems and the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 constant help for living and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they are experienced enough to advise
people
Use synonyms
 and
guid
Correct your spelling
guide
them to the correct line of the life road.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can be a good source of inspiration for young
people
Use synonyms
 during their lifespan.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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