IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that schools should involve students in school management. Do you agree or disagree with this idea, give reasons and examples supporting your answers

In the current societal context, there is a recommendation about whether an educational institution should allow
students
Use synonyms
 to participate in the management association of the
school
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. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement that
students
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 are affected positively by
this
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 approach to the
school
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 system.
This
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 essay will explain the reasons and provide examples of
this
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 suggestion. First of all,
pupils
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 receive many advantages from being part of
school
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 management which impacts both direct and indirect aspects of
children
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.
This
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 program allows
pupils
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 to complete different tasks
besides
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 educational perspectives,
such
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 as political and business aspects, that generate responsibilities and life skills in each student.
For example
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,
student
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
 council enhances young people's acknowledgement more in politics and teaches them about the process of controlling authority and human resources.
Therefore
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,
children
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 can be trained to have the capability to deal with unpreceding situations through
this
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 approach.
Furthermore
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, participation in a broad
school
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 provides an opportunity for
children
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 to design
school
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 curriculum by collaborating with professors which is an effective way to encourage
pupils
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 to study and offer alternative fascinating courses to learners.
For instance
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, a broadcasting class is generated for those who are interested or managing an unpacked schedule for more available time.
Additionally
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, problems occurring in the academy tend to be solved properly because solutions and policies are created by adolescents who have been through the same experiences. In conclusion, having
children
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 in institution management benefits
students
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 not only by supporting studying but
also
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 by improving the well-being of
pupils
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 in
school
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;
thus
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, academies need to adopt
this
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 process to enhance their
students
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 sufficiently.

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task achievement
You have effectively responded to the task by presenting a clear position and providing reasons and examples to support your argument. However, some examples could be more specific or varied to further illustrate your points.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are thoroughly explained and supported. For instance, consider providing more detailed explanations of how specific skills or knowledge acquired through school management participation can benefit students in the future.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging. This will help improve the overall readability and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is sound, consider adding more transitional phrases to clearly guide the reader through your arguments and links between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written and effectively frame your argument, providing a clear position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.
task achievement
You provide several relevant and specific examples to support your main points, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stakeholders
  • collaboration
  • student representation
  • governance models
  • inclusive decision-making
  • empowerment
  • educational stakeholders
  • proactive engagement
  • leadership development
  • communication channels
  • administrative efficiency
  • participatory approach
  • responsibility
  • ownership
  • maturity
  • balance of power
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