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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

DIETING CAN PLAY MAJOR ROLE FOR KEEP HEALTHY LIFE .DO You agree or DISAGREE.

#role #life
In
modern
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the modern
show examples
 world , having a healthy lifestyle of eating is crucial for
overall
 health and improved life expectance. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion and will make my own statements about it.
first
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First
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 of all ,
although
 medicine and other facilities that fight
diseases
 and other
problems
 about health improved significantly in the
last
 decades there are still plentiful
problems
 that occur in
human
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the human
show examples
body
.
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
show examples
, the main reason behind all these
problems
 is often consuming foods that harm one's
body
. To
illusrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
this
 , having bad habits of eating junk food or eating
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
excessive amounts of sugar
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc makes
individuals
 prone to
diseases
 ( obesity and being overweight ) which makes them
vulnurable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
 to other
diseases
 .
In other words
 , those
individuals
 not only get fat and lose their fitness they
also
 have
problems
 that
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
eventually
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 them to hospital beds.
Furthermore
 ,
individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have poor nutrition diet can get
diseases
such
 as heart
problems
 and diabetes.
On the other hand
 , there is
also
 a
phsycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 part about having bad habits of eating.
Thogh
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Although
 in
contemporary
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the contemporary
show examples
 world there are lots of people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 suffer from obesity and
overweight
Add a missing verb
are overweight
show examples
 ,
individuals
 might not feel relatable to anyone and feel disrespected because of their condition.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the main problem is that having poor nutrition affects your hormones which basically
controls
Correct subject-verb agreement
control
show examples
 you and your
body
.
For instance
 , the food that you eat
stimiluates
Correct your spelling
stimulates
 the hormones in your brain ,
eating
Correct word choice
and eating
show examples
 in excessive amounts results in negative effects on hormones which have control of your
overall
 life and psyhocolo gy.
To conclude
 , in order to have a
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle the first thing is to consider your dieting which is by far the most important aspect.
Also
 , people
shouldnt
Correct your spelling
shouldn't
 forget that
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
body
 means
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 mind.
Submitted by elnur.adil on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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