Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people argue that the advent of technology impacted our daily lives in order to overcome a
lot
Use synonyms
of issues that we are facing nowadays. In the same way, it
also
Linking Words
enhanced the use of technology
such
Linking Words
as gadgets for
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss two perspectives on how
smartphones
Use synonyms
influence positive or negative values for
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour. It seems like
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
new generation always facing a
lot
Use synonyms
of challenges in their life whether the old people faced during their times.
However
Linking Words
, one of the drawbacks of the young generation is the influence of the
internet
Use synonyms
which perhaps reduces their abilities to enhance communication or networking skills
instead
Linking Words
of increasing their skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
might cause an addiction by playing video games or spending their time scrolling social media day to day. As a matter of fact, it might reduce their focus on the current subjects that they learn in school and decrease their moral values since the
internet
Use synonyms
contains a
lot
Use synonyms
of violations, pornography, or vandalism activities.
This
Linking Words
is a huge challenge that
children
Use synonyms
need to be
burdens
Replace the word
burdensome
show examples
of using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
their
smartphones
Use synonyms
a
lot
Use synonyms
in order to save their lives.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
make our lives easier than before since technology has grown rapidly in recent years
while
Linking Words
the
Internet
Use synonyms
reaps a
lot
Use synonyms
of benefits for users. By giving a good example of using the
internet
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
might be familiar with the world they will face in the next decade.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents as a pivotal role in controlling their
children
Use synonyms
should be familiar with some applications or websites that can help them to develop their
children
Use synonyms
's abilities.
For example
Linking Words
, Ruang Guru, one of the biggest platforms in Indonesia which used positively by providing
children
Use synonyms
guidance on their school’s homework or other skills needed.
To sum up
Linking Words
, with, the quick pace of modern society, using
smartphones
Use synonyms
aims to make life easier especially for
children
Use synonyms
. Parents should control on how to burdens of using
smartphones
Use synonyms
to avoid negative impacts on
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. You've done a good job of setting the stage for your discussion, maintain that clarity throughout.
Body Paragraphs
Use specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the evidence of your points. For instance, mentioning the platform 'Ruang Guru' is excellent; consider adding more such examples for stronger support.
Conclusion
Maintain a balance in discussing both sides of the argument, but also ensure to clearly state your stance on whether it's a positive or negative development in the conclusion. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Coherence
Link your ideas more clearly using cohesive devices (like moreover, on the other hand, and therefore) for a smoother flow. This will help in making your essay more coherent and easy to follow.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and hints at the discussion to follow, showing good control over essay structure.
Content
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both negative and positive impacts of smartphone use among children, demonstrating a well-rounded approach to the topic.
Conclusion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points of your essay, reinforcing your viewpoints effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: