IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people think that more money should be spend on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. and provide your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a debate among
people
Use synonyms
 regarding funding endangered animals . Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there should be a grant for protection,
whereas
Linking Words
 others consider
this
Linking Words
 as a waste of financial resources. I personally agree with the investment and in the following, I will delineate my view.
To begin
Linking Words
, it is crucial to invest in securing animals that are endangered of extinction since
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has detrimental effects on biodiversity and the planet. When a rare animal disappears, its predators and its prey are influenced at first as the food for its predators becomes rare,
while
Linking Words
 its prey becomes widespread in the habitat.
For example
Linking Words
, you can only see a Persian lion in the zoo as its wild one does not live in the Iranian jungle anymore.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of foxes, which are its main food, has increased
therefore
Linking Words
 these foxes are hunting too many farming animals.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 think that there are other serious issues, for investment.
For instance
Linking Words
, the rate of hunger is growing swiftly and there is a need for an immediate response.
Although
Linking Words
 the number of hungry
people
Use synonyms
 has jumped for the past decade, these rare species can accelerate
this
Linking Words
 rate too. I mean that some of these living creatures can be used as a source of nutrients for humans or they can protect farming from natural damages like insects.
For example
Linking Words
, some birds like bats eat insects.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if bats disappear, there would be a huge number of insects around the world as they may destroy agriculture or spread perilous diseases like Malaria. In conclusion, I believe that an investment in
this
Linking Words
 field secures the future of the planet and mankind as the environment would not go under destructive changes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion contain a clear overview of the main points and the writer's position.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples and ensure that the ideas are logically connected throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and demonstrate more precise word choices to enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
Use a wider range of grammatical structures and demonstrate greater control over sentence structures and punctuation.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: