IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people prefer to exercise in a fitness center, while others prefer outdoor activities. Choose one of them and give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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It is known that humanity is becoming more active when we talk about moving the body. There are some people who prefer outdoor exercises and others whose indoor activities fit better their needs. In
this
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 essay, I will show why I am in with the second group. In the first place,
although
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 I believe that exercising with the singing of birds
while
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 running in a park can be something enriching, I have the discipline to exercise every day,
however
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, I do not like rainy days.
For example
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, in the beginning, I used to do some activities outdoors but one day it was raining and kept raining for a week,
as a consequence
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, I could not realize anything I planned. It bothered me.
As a result
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, I signed up for a gym centre and never else had my schedule affected by weather conditions.
Moreover
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, I ran alone, now I started to do group exercises with a teacher. I made new friends and it has helped me a lot in these days where I do not feel capable of doing anything. To illustrate, sometimes we are very tired from work, to handle kids and sabotage ourselves thinking that moving the body is not a good idea because it will tire us more and have colleagues to understand our concerns and difficulties, which helps a lot in these moments.
Therefore
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, I realised in a few months that indoor exercises can be fun too if you are willing to do them.
To sum up
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,
this
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 essay showed how advantageous indoor activities can be, since not being harmed by weather to make new friends and turning into an enjoyable time. Personally, I love hiking, but I discovered myself a very indoor person when we talk about bodybuilding.
In addition
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, there is nothing better than good equipment to help us reach our goal.

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coherence cohesion
Logical structure is adequate, but could benefit from clearer transitions or signposting to more effectively guide the reader from one point to the next. Try to add phrases like 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'On the other hand' etc.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and fairly clear. Try to make your thesis statement in the introduction a bit more direct, and your concluding summary a bit more comprehensive to cover each main point you discussed.
supported main points
The main points are supported with reasons and examples, but could be further strengthened with more specific details or deeper analysis. For instance, you could contrast indoor and outdoor exercise environments more thoroughly.
complete response
The task response is generally complete, but make sure to keep the focus on your main argument throughout. There are spots where the essay drifts off-topic slightly, such as the mention of handling kids and work. Keep the discussion centered on exercise preferences.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are clear and generally comprehensive, but could benefit from additional development. Consider expanding on the social benefits of gym-based exercise, or discuss why the specific types of exercise available at a gym appeal to you.
relevant specific examples
Examples and reasons are relevant to the question prompt, but could use a bit more specificity. The rainy day example is good, but perhaps you could add detail about how exactly the gym's facilities or community helped you keep up your exercise routine in spite of the weather.
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