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Band 6.5

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A
child
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's
development
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 depends on various factors, like the things he is watching and the people he spends the time with. It is often argued that
media
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, pop culture and
friends
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 play a significant
role
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 in the
child
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's
development
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,
while
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 others believe that family plays a vital
role
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.
This
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 essay agrees that the
media
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 and
friends
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 affect the
overall
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 growth of a
child
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. Childhood is the only phase that moulds children towards positive or negative
development
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 and prepares them for the future. Nowadays, most
kids
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 spend their childhood in daycare centres, where they spend more than 8 hours with their
friends
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. So, the thinking of his
friends
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,
as well as
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 the
media
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 and the pop culture they follow, plays a significant
role
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 in his growth.
According to
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 the report from BBC, more than 70% of American youth want to become an artist just because they grew up watching them.
However
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, some advocates believe the family plays a significant
role
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 in the
child
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's
development
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. Nowadays, people's lives have become so busy that they can barely spend a few hours with their
kids
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; still, they pass the basic manners and culture to their children. There are many aspects of life, like ethics, good practices, and many cultural values that differentiate a person from being good or bad, that are learned by a
child
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 from the parents.
For instance
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, Asian
kids
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 have more respect towards their elders as compared to Western
kids
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 just because they spend more time with their families.
To conclude
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,
media
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 and
friends
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 have their
role
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whereas
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 the family has its own towards a
child
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's
development
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. In my opinion, as the world is getting more advanced and parents are getting busier, the
media
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 and
friends
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 influence a
child
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 more than their families.

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task achievement
Ensure that you have a clear position throughout the essay. The introduction should clearly present the two views and your opinion, making it consistent in the following paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesion and linking devices to connect ideas more clearly and improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and details in your supporting paragraphs to adequately back up your points and to make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
A balanced discussion of both views is important. Try to expand on the role of the family and provide equally detailed examples and arguments as you have for media and friends.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the conclusion summarises your key points and reiterates your opinion without introducing new information.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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