IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in detail. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #range #subjects #detail
The question of whether high school
students
 have to study a diverse array of
subjects
 to get profound knowledge ignites hot debates, with some people claiming that schoolers have to be versatile, whilst others believe that they should concentrate on a smaller number of areas of the curriculum. Both sides have valid arguments which will be considered in
this
 essay before a reasonable conclusion is reached. On the one hand, it is argued that having multiple
subjects
 at school can assist
students
to identify
Change preposition
in identifying
show examples
 their interests and strengths, which may navigate their way to their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Clearly, if young people get a chance to study a wide range of
subjects
, they are more likely to find the field they have
genuine
Add an article
a genuine
show examples
 interest in.
As a result
,
this
 approach allows high school seniors to explore various spheres and get
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
 of the career path they want to pursue.
In addition
,
while
 studying numerous
subjects
students
 are exposed to a diverse set of knowledge and competencies. Not only do they gain comprehensive knowledge, but they
also
 acquire some skills which might be of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great importance in adult life.
Consequently
, they grow up into
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 people who are able to adapt to any situation easily.
On the other hand
, proponents of learning a few
subjects
 in detail argue that specialization allows
students
 to delve deeply into
subjects
 they are truly passionate about, fostering expertise and a deeper understanding.
This
 can lead to greater career opportunities in those particular fields. In conclusion,
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my perspective, it would be better, if the choice between a wide range of
subjects
 and specialization should consider the individual's interests
Submitted by s_togzhan.17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: