Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
success
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has become a broad issue. Many individuals consider that
success
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in
life
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comes from working hard and effort
while
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others think that poverty and
appearance
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are more important factors.
This
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writer believes the idea that
success
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in
life
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comes from money and
appearance
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.
Firstly
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, it is widely acknowledged that money and
appearance
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play a vital role in
success
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in
life
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. A very important contributor in
life
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. The first reason is that money enables
people
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to reach their deep desires like power and frame.
For example
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, if
people
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have a great deal of wealth, they have countless opportunities to progress rapidly in their
career
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careers
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or be well-known in the community that they desire.
Furthermore
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, personal
appearance
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is one of the crucial factors impacting achievement.
For instance
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, it would be a good chance for candidates to seek a job if they indicate their confident body posture or
wearing
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wear
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clothing apart from great skills and experiences.
Otherwise
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, it is undeniable that hard work and power are necessary features which are pivotable to ensure victory in the field.
Firstly
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hard work helps
people
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gain some valuable experiences in different aspects of
life
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. To illustrate my point, if
young
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the young
a young
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student practices several times, some kinds of assignments in college and at home, they are likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistakes so they have the tendency to get high scores in the formal exam.
Secondly
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, determination gives us the motivation to set up goals which become the foundation of
success
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.
As a result
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,
this
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is an essential skill to help
people
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overcome complex problems in all situations and always keep moving forward to reach long-term goals. In Conclusion,
although
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bill and personal arrival have an influence on achievement, it seems to me that hard work and determination are dominant factors in achieving the highest achievement.

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task response
Ensure a clear and specific thesis statement in your introduction to more effectively guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Try to maintain a more consistent viewpoint throughout your essay. The inconsistency between your stated opinion in the introduction and the conclusion might confuse readers.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by enhancing transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use phrases that clearly show the relationships between ideas.
task response
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
general advice
Check your essay for grammatical errors and strive to use a wider range of vocabulary to accurately express your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • tenacity
  • socioeconomic status
  • aesthetic standards
  • meritocracy
  • disparities
  • innate characteristics
  • equitable opportunities
  • success metrics
  • fortuitous circumstances
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