Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays,
success
has become a broad issue. Many individuals consider that success
in life
comes from working hard and effort while
others think that poverty and appearance
are more important factors. This
writer believes the idea that success
in life
comes from money and appearance
.
Firstly
, it is widely acknowledged that money and appearance
play a vital role in success
in life
. A very important contributor in life
. The first reason is that money enables people
to reach their deep desires like power and frame. For example
, if people
have a great deal of wealth, they have countless opportunities to progress rapidly in their career
or be well-known in the community that they desire. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Furthermore
, personal appearance
is one of the crucial factors impacting achievement. For instance
, it would be a good chance for candidates to seek a job if they indicate their confident body posture or wearing
clothing apart from great skills and experiences.
Wrong verb form
wear
Otherwise
, it is undeniable that hard work and power are necessary features which are pivotable to ensure victory in the field. Firstly
hard work helps people
gain some valuable experiences in different aspects of life
. To illustrate my point, if young
student practices several times, some kinds of assignments in college and at home, they are likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistakes so they have the tendency to get high scores in the formal exam. Add an article
the young
a young
Secondly
, determination gives us the motivation to set up goals which become the foundation of success
. As a result
, this
is an essential skill to help people
overcome complex problems in all situations and always keep moving forward to reach long-term goals.
In Conclusion, although
bill and personal arrival have an influence on achievement, it seems to me that hard work and determination are dominant factors in achieving the highest achievement.Submitted by zky1705202 on
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task response
Ensure a clear and specific thesis statement in your introduction to more effectively guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Try to maintain a more consistent viewpoint throughout your essay. The inconsistency between your stated opinion in the introduction and the conclusion might confuse readers.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by enhancing transitions between paragraphs and within them. Use phrases that clearly show the relationships between ideas.
task response
Provide more varied and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
general advice
Check your essay for grammatical errors and strive to use a wider range of vocabulary to accurately express your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?