In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?
Using mobile apps to pay has become more popular in many states.
Although
making a payment through phones
poses security risks, this
essay believes that this
practice offers more benefits to people
because it brings convenience when going out.
On the one hand, mobile payment poses security risks. This
is because most people
use banking or electronic wallets on their phones
, thus
their bank account
data are available within the phones
. Thus
when people
lose their phones
, the data are prone to be misused and robbers could hack and drain the victim’s money. For example
, villains could breach their phones
’ security PIN and login to their e-wallet account
, especially people
who set the same PIN for every account
. The remaining balance can be transferred to the robber’s account
. However
, this
accident could be prevented by setting different passwords for every important account
.
On the other hand
, various banking and money apps on phones
serve convenience when paying for things. This
is because most people
are bringing their gadgets everywhere and when they go out they do not need to bring their wallets. They can bring fewer things especially when they just travel for short distances. For instance
, the Shopee Office in Jakarta is on the 9th floor and the food court is on the 4th floor, their employees can buy their lunches just by paying with their mobile apps. It provides better experiences for them because they already have to carry their water bottles.
In conclusion, mobile app payment is gaining popularity in many nations. Even though it possesses risks, this
essay thinks that it has greater advantages in promoting convenience in people
’s daily practices.Submitted by intanannisa.ia on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear overall progression in your essay. Some points may need to be expanded upon, and transitions between paragraphs and ideas should be more clearly demarcated.
coherence cohesion
Expand upon your main ideas by providing more detailed and nuanced examples and explanations. This can help to support your main points and improve the clarity of your arguments. Specific examples are beneficial, but they should be detailed enough to substantiate arguments.
task achievement
Your response could be improved by directly addressing the question regarding whether the development of mobile payment has more advantages or disadvantages. Provide a clear opinion and make it prominent throughout the essay.
task achievement
To score higher in terms of task achievement, aim to present a more balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages before reaching a conclusion. Make sure all parts of the task are fully addressed in your response.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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