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Writing Samples
Band 6

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#fathers #home #care #children #mothers #work #reason #development
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It is true that
men
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 are increasingly likely to take on the role of house husband,
while
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 more
women
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 than ever are breadwinners in their families. There could be several reasons for it and I believe it to be a very positive trend. The aforementioned notions will be highlighted in the ensuing paragraphs . There are several reasons why fathers have taken the role of looking after the kids and household chores
while
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 mothers pursue a career. In recent years parents have had to adapt to various changes.Equal rights movements have made great progress, and it has become normal for
women
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 to have qualifications and pursue.
Moreover
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, it has
also
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 become socially accepted for
men
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 to stay at home and look after their children.At the same time raising the cost of living has meant that both marriage partners usually need to work and save money before starting a family.
Therefore
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, when couples have children, they may decide who works and who stays home depending on the preference of each partner or based on which partner earns more money. In my view, the changes described above should be seen as progress. In the first place, we should be happy to live in a society in which
men
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 and
women
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 have equal opportunities and in which
women
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 are not put under pressure to sacrifice their careers ,
Equally
Add a comma
Equally,
show examples
 it seems only fair that
men
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 should be to leave their jobs in order to assume childcare responsibilities If,
this
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 is what wish to do.Couples should be left to make their own decisions about which parental role each partner takes,
according to
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 their circumstances. In ,conclusion the changing roles of
men
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 and
women
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 in their families are a result of wider changes in their society. I believe that these developments are desirable
Submitted by melmurihashir on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more clearly stated, and the main points need stronger support. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas for smoother flow. Add more specific examples to support the main points.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but the ideas could be more comprehensive and better supported with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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