IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #differences #members
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There is a belief that ensuring a similar salary among
people
 of all classes would result in societal happiness.
In contrast
,
this
 writer thinks that the adoption of the practice would make
people
 reluctant to achieve higher education and will cause dissatisfaction in the community. In the first place, the reason why individuals reach for higher achievements and greatness is
due to
 the fact that they want to pursue a better life. What is more, many residents with poorer backgrounds gain immense ambition to alter the living conditions that they currently have. During the process, society gains an enormous amount of benefit by having individuals with
this
 kind of determination, leading to innovation and growth.
Conversely
, when there is no difference in payment, the goal simply vanishes
as well as
 the great mindset. The education system of Vietnam bears a similarity, in which students would be classified in a specific rank that would benefit the child in their future job hunting. Another aspect to think about the proposal is the reaction of the rich, those
people
 would go against the idea because of its
favoritism
Change the spelling
favouritism
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. The success and money of
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
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 class does not occur suddenly, but rather it is the hardship that was endured
finally
 leading to the sweet result.
While
 the rich person put in a fair amount of effort in order to achieve respect and
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 salary, now others without any adequate quality could
also
 enjoy the same privilege.
This
 could result in worse performance at work and raise opposing forces against the authority which can be observed through multiple protests the French
people
 have. Taking all points into consideration,
it is clear that
 ensuring little differences does more harm than good to the society's harmony. With that,
this
 essay disagrees with the proposal because of
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 in innovative mindset and possible
arising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 insurgency activities.
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coherence
A more explicit restatement of your position in the conclusion would strengthen your essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, making them more persuasive.
coherence
Work on varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and flow.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and provided a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
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