Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is an argument about whether daughters and sons need to spend their time with their mothers and fathers rather than going outside and playing with friends. Some people believe that it is important

while

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others hold the opposite point of view. I agree with both, and in the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss these viewpoints. First and foremost, because of too much work, many parents did not have time to accompany their girls and boys on weekdays.

As a result

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, moms and dads want their children to spend their entertainment on the weekend.

In addition

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, families desire to build a relationship with their kids. To explain, many parents know that after their boys and girls grow up, they may have fewer opportunities to communicate with them.

On the other hand

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daughers

Correct your spelling

daughters

and sons may not prioritize their leisure hours with their mothers and fathers. After students finish their schoolwork, they want to hang out with their friends.

Besides

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, young people may have their own interests, their entertainment hours are well spent developing their habits.

That is

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to say, they may forget their parents or refuse to enjoy their free days with them. In conclusion, many families want to develop relationships with their kids before their daughters and sons grow up.

However

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, boys and girls may lose their leisure days to build connections with their classmates or discover their interests. From my perspective, children need to balance their entertainment time between mothers and fathers, friends, or hobbies.

Hence

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, these young people may not regard their decisions in the future.

Submitted by annie5342586 on Tue Sep 12 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

bond
relationship
communication
experience
learn
opportunity
exposure
culture
perspective
development
interest
skill
socialize
peer
broaden
horizon
opinion

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Some people think that young people should spend free time with families instead of outside entertainment, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Spoken communication is more important than written communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, employees do overtime and get more stressed than before. What a the reasons for this? What can employers do to make people's life easier? Explain your point of view with reasons and examples from your knowledge or experience.

In some countries at secondary or high school, there may be two streams of study academic or vocational. what are the advantages of students and society of putting students into two streams at the age of 15?

Some people believe that the government spend too much money on wildlife protection projects and the money should be used for other things. Do you agree or disagree?