IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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It is argued that the
work
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-life imbalance causes serious issues to society.
This
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 essay will shed light on my viewpoint,
also
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 providing some solutions to deal with
this
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 problem. On the one hand, in
this
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 day and age, the an increased workload that many people have to tackle.
Initially
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, white-collar jobs are expected for the employee to
work
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 overtime frequently.
Consequently
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,
this
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 trend may reduce the
time
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 these workers spend on social life and their family.
Furthermore
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, the development of social communication is
also
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 an aspect of the increasing amount of occupations.
Therefore
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, people are always on business days, no matter where they are.
Last
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 but not least, is the feeling of loss of promotion or redundancy. What I mean is that chance may come once in a blue moon, so they decide to lose contact with everything around them and just concentrate on their career.
For instance
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, Google’s workers have to spend their
work
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time
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 under pressure with too many opportunities to grow up. There are plenty of key solutions for
this
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 issue. First of all, employers should clarify with their employees the
time
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.
Thus
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, ensuring their private
time
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 may enhance their
work
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 quality.
In addition
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, businesses can allow flexible working hours, which can produce
time
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 off for some family important events.
Finally
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, adding coaches to staff in areas, so that they can help staff with numerous mental illnesses,
for instance
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,
time
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 management, stress control, and relaxation techniques. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the imbalance between
work
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 and lifetime threats various ways individuals, and they may reduce
this
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 case by some methods I mention above.

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introduction conclusion present
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more effectively structured to clearly outline the essay's position and summarise the main points.
logical structure
The flow of ideas could be improved by better paragraphing and using cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.
supported main points
Main points should be elaborated on with more detail and clearer explanations. Use more varied sentence structures to support your points.
complete response
Ensure that your response is fully developed by addressing both causes and solutions comprehensively. Expand on your ideas to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on presenting ideas in a clearer, more comprehensive manner. Precision in expression will contribute to the overall quality and clarity of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. Use examples from a range of sources to demonstrate a wider range of knowledge and experiences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • increased connectivity
  • always on
  • cost of living
  • flexibility
  • cultural norms
  • well-being
  • time management
  • prioritize
  • boundaries
  • remote working
  • mental health days
  • vacation days
  • after-hours communication
  • employee assistance programs (EAPs)
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