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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.
#data #consumption #resources #countries #world #population
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart provides information on expenditure and
resources
Change the noun form
resource
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 consumption in specific areas
in
Change preposition
of
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 the world, Including population distribution. Units
was
Change the verb form
were
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 represented by percentage.
Overall
, the USA and Europe
were become
Change to the active voice
became
have become
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 the dominant
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 that used resources even though most of the
world
Change noun form
world's
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 population
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lived in Asia.
However
, food dominantly contributed to global spending
while
 a huge amount of proportion is from
others category
Fix the agreement mistake
other categories
show examples
 (the unspecified group). In terms of resource consumption, the USA and Europe stood at 60% proportion
while
 other
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 remained less, just 40%.
Conversely
, 57% population is in Asia, followed by Europe and America
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 had 14%
while
 Africa just 10%.
In addition
, world spending was varied, starting from food that
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contributed the most at 24%
while
 transport and housing were 18% and 12%, respectively.
Furthermore
,
this
 was
an
Change the article
apply
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evident that 40% of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 proportion was unspecified category which
making
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
this
 number
was become
Verb problem
apply
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the highest among
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 categories.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • data
  • spending habits
  • consumption
  • resources
  • population distribution
  • comparison
  • patterns
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
  • implications
  • disparities
  • environmental consequences
  • social impacts
  • sustainability
  • economic development
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