IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affectts teenager’s literacy skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #affectts #teenager’s #literacy #skills
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Some people suppose that extreme usage of cell
phones
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 has negative impacts on
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literacy
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the literacy
show examples
 capabilities of the younger. I totally agree with
this
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 statement because mobile
phones
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 have
numorous
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numerous
 automatic features and adolescents spend
the
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apply
show examples
limited
time
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on
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apply
show examples
developing their
literacy
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 skills. First of all, the reason why I agree with the notion is because there are many modern applications and features like spelling
checker
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checkers
show examples
 and voice control. The young
wants
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want
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 to write quickly
while
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 chatting with their friends so they usually use abbreviation, slang and voice chat
instead
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 of
writting
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writing
 a complete word or paragraph.
Moreover
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,
available
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the available
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 spelling checker will automatically correct spelling errors.
Thus
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,
youngers
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youngsters
show examples
 communicate with others through utility applications without using standard words and grammar. It is no
denial
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denying
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 that the overuse of
smart
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smartphones
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phones
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 makes teenagers worse in their
literacy
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 abilities. Another reason is that teenagers do not have
time
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on maturing
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to mature
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 their reading and
writting
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writing
 skills. With the considerable growth of technology,
youngers
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youngsters
show examples
 usually focus on entertainment programs or electronic games and gradually decline their interest in
writting
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writing
 and reading. They spend most of their
time
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on
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apply
show examples
updating
status
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their status
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instead
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 of finding something to read and
intensify
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intensifying
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 their reading ability.
According to
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 Appota statistics in 2016, adolescents spend approximately 80%
their
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of their
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time
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 on social networking, chatting and entertainment
while
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 reading
time
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 on the phone takes up the lowest proportion.
This
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refletcs
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reflects
 the excessive use of
phones
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 by the young generation and
failure
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the failure
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 to enhance their reading and
writting
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writing
 abilities. In conclusion, I
completelt
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completely
 agree with the notion that the
overusage
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over usage
overuse
 of
smart
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smartphones
show examples
phones
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 has serious effects on
teenager’s
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teenagers’
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literacy
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 capability.
Hence
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, the use of
smart
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smartphones
show examples
phones
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 and networking
site
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sites
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 should be limited and managed
acordingly
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accordingly
.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear stance on the issue. While you mention that you agree with the statement, your essay does not consistently support this viewpoint throughout. Make sure to clearly state your stance and support it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction but lacks a strong conclusion. In addition, some paragraphs have weak connections, making the essay's overall flow and coherence unclear. Work on linking your ideas and developing a stronger conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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