IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation ?

#countries #people #address #situation
On the one hand, it is seen that pressure at the workplace results in low and lower joys in youngsters in city
life
. Clearly, since society become more and more developed, the higher salaries you can get compared to the past but these
also
 parallel with the intensive large amount of time and high demand from employers.
Therefore
, stress and overthinking a invisible poisons that drown your dreams and emotions.
Moreover
, they misunderstand the true definition of a happy
life
, so character flaws occur inevitably, which is caused by the internet. Obviously, the addiction to the internet can obscure the enormous real problem in real
life
, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bigger and bigger inherent troubles.
Therefore
, the internet can be seen as a placebo, giving youth fake happiness and the consequences will knock them harshly.
On the contrary
,
firstly
, youngsters nowadays must organize the most prioritised task in their own lives. You have to track on the small mission and these missions will lead to the bigger plan, which avoids the stress and misleading.
For instance
, to become a good dad, people’s little missions are to ensure the health and love of their children and
then
 think about adopting all the entertainment demands of adolescents.
Secondly
, it is seen that a lot of successful businesses tend to give away all their money and go back to the countryside to live. They believe that true happiness comes from your clear mind, so they shed off all the normal pursuits
such
 as money or power.
Therefore
, these billionaires don’t have to endure the pressure but
also
 find the true meaning of
life
.
Submitted by dongdangnguyensi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: