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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is more important for schoolchilrend to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (CONG THANH)

In the present time, many people agree that local
history
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 should be a priority over global
history
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 in schools . I completely agree with the opinion . I will explain the reasons in the following paragraphs. First of all , studying local
history
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 helps pupils develop a deeper understanding of their cultural roots and customs . When youngsters learn about their
country
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's past heroes , traditions and wars, they tend to appreciate and feel patriotic about their national roots.
This
Linking Words
 sense of belonging is so crucial and necessary for building pride and responsibility toward the
country
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 and society.
For example
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, learning about historical events like the resistance war or national reunification allows students to appreciate the sacrifices made by earlier generations.
For example
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, the Dien Bien Phu campaign in the years 1954 ended the French colonial rule, unified the
country
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.
Secondly
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, Local
history
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 is often more relevant to students' lives, which helps
history
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 learners acquire insight.
By contrast
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, world
history
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 topics like ancient Rome , Egypt , or European
history
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 may seem distant and less interesting , especially for younger learners. The local
history
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 learners have an appreciation for their national heritage. An example is The Temple of Literature, which is the place that has trained many talented people of the
country
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 and has contributed to the
country
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's development
period
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apply
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. The youngsters in Vietnam should be concerned with national current affairs
such
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 as education, economic issues , and taxes. In conclusion, I strongly believe that local
history
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 plays a more vital role in the education of schoolchildren. It builds identity, relevance, and engagement—essential elements for effective early education.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Instead of using 'for example' twice in the same paragraph, use different phrases to connect your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use a variety of sentences to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You provided strong arguments supporting your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your main idea.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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