IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the world is heavily dependent on oil for energy, which is unsustainable due to global warming. What future resource do you think will take oil's place? Why do you think this ?

It is true that the effects of global warming are increasing at an alarming rate. Because of that, the world will suffer from the scarcity of
oil
Use synonyms
 in future. I think renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 will take the place of
oil
Use synonyms
 since these
sources
Use synonyms
 are more efficient, and cost-effective and are able to meet the public demands and create sustainability for a longer period of time. There are various reasons why I think these
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as biofuels, solar-powered devices and
eletrical
Correct your spelling
electrical
electric
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for the whole society. First of all, Biofuels are able to produce
gas
Use synonyms
 for cooking because it is generated from organic materials.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in agriculture, these biofuels are used to increase production when they are used as soil biomass
instead
Linking Words
 of relying on market-based pesticides. In
this
Linking Words
 way, carbon
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions will be reduced and the environment become more sustainable and cleaner than ever.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 use their private
vehicles
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of using public transportation.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 consume the largest proportion of
oil
Use synonyms
 on these
vehicles
Use synonyms
. To lessen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
 wastage,
people
Use synonyms
 should use electric
vehicles
Use synonyms
 which will not only improve the air quality and public health but
also
Linking Words
 encourage others to create a resilient transportation service.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, solar-powered devices are
also
Linking Words
 helpful in lowering the greenhouse impacts. Using solar power panels at home or offices will help to generate electricity for them and
people
Use synonyms
 will replace traditional power
sources
Use synonyms
 with LED lights. We all are aware of the impacts of global warming and the melting glaciers which could increase greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions, raise the global temperature and put the lives of humans in danger. In the upcoming days, there will be a shortage of non-renewable
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 because it takes millions of years to generate. I think to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue, we will rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as solar, electrical
vehicles
Use synonyms
, geothermal and bio-
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
. These can be generated easily and,
while
Linking Words
 the initial cost is a little bit higher have a significant value for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 longer term.
To sum up
Linking Words
, greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions are escalating because of the world's dependency on
oil
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 but
this
Linking Words
 problem can be mitigated by using alternative
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 which aid in meeting the public demands, create a pollution-free environment and
also
Linking Words
 will become more efficient and effective than other methods.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases. For example, linking the disadvantages of oil dependency more explicitly to your arguments for renewable energy would enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide a clearer and more detailed exploration of how the alternative sources of energy specifically work to mitigate global warming or their evolutionary impact.
task achievement
Add more specific examples, including statistics or real-world instances of countries focusing on renewable energy, to support your claims more robustly.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance on the issue and presents well-defined points about renewable energy sources.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main ideas of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • global warming
  • renewable energy
  • biodegradable
  • carbon emissions
  • energy efficiency
  • fossil fuels
  • electric vehicles
  • infrastructure
  • hydrogen fuel
  • nuclear energy
  • advancements in technology
  • pollution
  • agricultural innovations
  • emission reduction
  • clean energy
  • batteries
  • electrolysis
  • dependence on oil
What to do next:
Look at other essays: