IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some companies sponsor sports and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many business strategy managers mentioned giving financial support to
sports
Use synonyms
 events and renowned athletes with the
last
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 impetus being the expansion of their image, and some people argue that it is good for both partnerships.
However
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, some critics insist their justifiable stance involves
this
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 phenomenon. I am firmly convinced of the benefits of
this
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 collaboration to both partners.
To begin
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 with, perhaps the major benefit of sponsoring is to advertise the company's image. The appearance of many digital billboards in worldwide
sports
Use synonyms
 matches,
such
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 as a final World Cup football match, has proven to increase
this
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 brand affinity, trust and advocates. Many
sports
Use synonyms
 fans,
for example
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, are attracted by these billboards during break times which provokes their curiosity about these brands, which leads to an increasing number of new
customers
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, the financial gain for donation companies, which have improved their business condition, stems from the giant influence of famous athletes on social networking sites.
Hence
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, the appearance of these talented and successful players on any social platforms with outstanding brand equipment in their training processes and matches has upgraded their sponsor partnership image. Corollary, their crazy fans, who pursued the same physical exercise as their idol, could buy these products from the brand because they believed these training gears were good enough to meet the professional demands of their idol.
Consequently
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, both factors ultimately led to the increase in profits and the total number of
customers
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, the potential risks from the severe influence of widespread harmful commodities from renowned athletes for the public. Perhaps the gravest risk is advertising some medicine products with bad quality and stultifying adverse to consumers.
For instance
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, many
sports
Use synonyms
 stars have displayed some low-quality functional medicines, which did not have a source of origin and expiration date, to support the achievement of an attractive body shape and balanced weight.
As a result
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, the detrimental health impact of the commodities on
customers
Use synonyms
such
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 as impaired stomach, headaches or water accumulation.
To conclude
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,
this
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 advertisement method helps businesses expose larger
customers
Use synonyms
 and attain financial milestones. So, it is advisable that the
overall
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 accomplishment outweigh some minor potential risks for publicizing inappropriate products.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a clear and coherent argument, consider refining the transition signals between ideas to further enhance readability. Words like 'however' and 'nevertheless' are well used but could be complemented with additional signposting for better flow.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more detailed and varied examples. For instance, provide specific names of athletes or brands to make your points even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Take care to vary your sentence structure slightly more to maintain reader engagement. Combining shorter sentences with longer, more complex ones can be very effective.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the central argument.
task achievement
The use of examples, like digital billboards in World Cup matches, was relevant and helped illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brand Visibility
  • Financial Support
  • Positive Brand Association
  • Market Penetration
  • Ethical Concerns
  • Pressure on Athletes
  • Sponsorship
  • Globally popular
  • Reputation
  • Demographic groups
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