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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Countries all over the world are getting closer together. This requires a common language like English to have better communication. However, it is obvious that English is not the only language globally; having a good command of the English language helps people to access a great deal of sources of international information. Write an essay to educate readers and give your opinion.

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It is a fact that education plays an important role in our lives. Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
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 are concerned about
English
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 as a global
language
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. Some
people
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 subscribe to the view that
,
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apply
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 being a global
language
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, the
English
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language
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 is not only good for
people
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’s global communication but
also
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 a good way to access sources of international information. I am one of those who strongly agree with
this
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 idea because of the following reasons. In the first place, it is undeniable that mastery
in
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of
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English
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 significantly expands and enhances individuals’ knowledge. Specifically, nowadays
English
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 is a general
language
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that is
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 widely used in various fields,
such
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 as science, technology, economics, and so on.
Therefore
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, proficiency in
English
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 is a great opportunity for
people
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 to approach many rich and diverse sources of international information.
Additionally
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, possessing strong
English
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language
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 abilities encourages
people
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 to apply to international schools and overseas with greater confidence.
Therefore
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, having a strong command of
English
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 helps
people
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 widely broaden their knowledge base.
Moreover
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,
English
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language
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 proficiency brings numerous different benefits to individuals.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
people
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 who have fluency and confident communication in
English
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 have more
chance
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chances
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 to work for multicultural companies in many parts of the world.
For instance
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, having more job opportunities,
people
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 may become more competitive and earn more money, improving their career prospects.
Furthermore
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, it
also
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 allows individuals to connect with
English
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 speakers from various cultural backgrounds and make more foreign friends.
Hence
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, learning
English
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 is beneficial for learners.
To sum up
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, I am strongly convinced that
English
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language
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 proficiency facilitates global integration for individuals worldwide.
However
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, as far as I am concerned,
people
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 choose the most effective and suitable way for themselves. Only by doing so can we ensure that
people
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 will have better and more prosperous lives.

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task achievement
Consider refining the introduction to more clearly outline the key points that will be discussed in the essay, as this would provide a stronger roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis statement, enhancing the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
While the examples provided are relevant, adding a few more specific examples or statistics could greatly strengthen the argument and provide deeper insights for the reader.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, demonstrating good understanding and engagement with the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices is well-managed, and ideas are generally well-organized, making your argument easy to follow.
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