IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Eating too much sugar is harmful for our health. Some people think it is government responsibility to limit people's sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual's responsibility to limit the amount of suger they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sugar #health #people #government #responsibility #limit #consumption #amount #suger
There is an agreement that consuming too much
sugar
 might cause health issues. Many would argue that governments should step up and start to control the amount of sweet products in people's diets. On the other side of the argument is the opinion, that it is
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 responsibility.
This
 essay will present an overview of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both views and provide my own vision.
Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 might help in fighting increasing
sugar
 consumption, as they have the resources to educate citizens and add regulations to the food market.
In addition
, there are softer ways that could be used,
such
 as educational programs, events to promote a healthy lifestyle, creating a law to mark products with
correct
Add an article
the correct
a correct
show examples
 list of nutritions or adding a mandatory warning about the amount of
sugar
 to the packaging.
On the other hand
, individuals could understand and know their needs better.
Also
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet, in general, is a choice, and nobody can force a person to follow a diet.
As a result
,
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 pressure could face some kind of rebellion and people would hate new forced rules. In my opinion, there is no need to add any strict regulations to sweet food consumption, as it is a personal choice. I would say, that adding labels which will indicate how healthy the product is could be a great first step. As an example, the European Union already has a similar system, where each product has a "healthy rating" from A to D to show the consumer how
this
 product can affect their health. In conclusion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and individuals should participate in solving the
sugar
 consumption epidemic together. There is no need for drastic changes, new taxes, and radical actions, but both groups can make some small steps towards common better health.
Submitted by totora246 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses both viewpoints, providing more concrete examples in support of each perspective can strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The cohesion between the paragraphs is good, but pay attention to connecting ideas more fluidly with transitional phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines your position or the plan of the essay to guide the reader more explicitly.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets up the context of the discussion and clearly states both sides of the argument.
logical structure
The main points are clearly presented and easy to follow, demonstrating a good level of coherence.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments and reaffirms the author's position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!