IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that going to a fitness centre regularly is unnecessary. Instead, they believe that combining occasional exercise (such as going for walks) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
sports
Use synonyms
 centre numbers have been increasing. They can be considered as a growing sector. They are so popular
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 tend to believe that fitness centre membership is a must
Verb problem
to
show examples
be healthy. I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is unnecessary. It is certain that a balanced life, which means having a healthy diet, exercise
such
Linking Words
 as walking, cycling, aerobic
etc.
Punctuation problem
, etc.
show examples
, and a well-managed stress level, is essential to stay healthy. There is no need to spend a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of money on membership. I used to have a membership in a fitness centre. I believed that I could do different kinds of exercise to feel amazing and stronger.
However
Linking Words
, I couldn’t go regularly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. Whenever I was there, I didn’t feel happy
due to
Linking Words
 the high level of noisy music and
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
. I
also
Linking Words
 found some
people
Use synonyms
 very rude
while
Linking Words
 dressing in
changing
Correct article usage
the changing
show examples
 rooms. Sometimes, I felt like a hamster
who runs
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
 over the turning
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mills every time. After that, I
realized
Change the spelling
realised
show examples
 that walking outside made me happier compared to a
sports
Use synonyms
 club.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is not easy to find some special facilities or activities outside,
such
Linking Words
 as a swimming pool or doing far-east
sports
Use synonyms
. If you need more special activities, it is necessary to attend a club.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 like to socialise with other
people
Use synonyms
 at the gym centres. They can feel more confident and more entertained
while
Linking Words
 doing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 there.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 it is not necessary to attend a club for health purposes. Easy activities and small movements are just enough as an exercise.
This
Linking Words
 should be supported with a diet which suitable for your health and life conditions.
However
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 are aware of these, they can feel free
attend to
Correct word order
to attend
show examples
 the
sports
Use synonyms
 centres.

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structure
Make your position clear in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion to leave a strong, clear view.
grammar
Use short, direct sentences and fix common grammar errors to improve clarity.
development
Give more specific examples and explain how they support your view.
coherence
Organise into clear paragraphs: intro, reason against clubs, when clubs help, and a conclusion.
lexical
Choose common words and avoid rare words; this helps keep to simple language.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connect words like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'therefore' to improve flow.
content
You give a real example of your own gym experience, which adds personal voice.
coverage
You show a balanced view by mentioning both sides of the issue.
structure
You end with a clear idea that easy activities with a good diet can work.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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