Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #people #groups #country

The positive consequences of the diverse

communities

are impactful more than the negative consequences to the nation. In

this

,essay I will argue whether I believe that it has a good potential for the country or not.

Firstly

, I strongly agree that multicultural

communities

have many significant benefits

such

as the tourism industry slightly rising, various sets of

beliefs

, linguistics and more. Nowadays, we are living in an open globalization world where we should accept every

culture

and tradition. It is a fact

that is

undeniable that we all are human beings that live on Mother Earth

hence

we should respect every belief even if we don't support that

culture

. From what I have experienced, I can clearly state that the more variety of

beliefs

and ethics the more valuable of original

culture

. Once the original

culture

slowly faded the more interest for visitors to learn the traditions.

This

refers to the metropolitan and local tourism industries which are slightly gaining both incomes and attention.

Nevertheless

, once there are many different cultures and

beliefs

within one individual state or city more problems show up. We have to highlight the truth that not everyone can accept the diversity of societies. It is difficult to change their mind and that's where the trouble starts.

Nonetheless

this

is the only negative impact of diverse

communities

I can think of. Most of the consequences are beneficial to both citizens and countries. In summary, I firmly believe that multicultural societies provide both nation and people advantages significantly more than disadvantages. A variety of

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

beliefs

language

Fix the agreement mistake

languages

show examples

and even the tourism industry are the positive effects of diverse

communities

thus

, there are some negative effects which is not as positive.

Submitted by munichpupil115 on Tue Sep 12 2023

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task response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument about the benefits of multicultural societies. However, some points could be further developed for a more comprehensive response.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are well-organized and connected throughout the essay.

task response

Clear argument in favor of multicultural societies

coherence and cohesion

Well-organized essay with a logical structure

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes here. What is your opinion about this?

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that paying taxes is enough to contribute to the society. Others argue that being a citizen involves more responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?