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Band 8

Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say that nowadays, this is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #life #university #education
Some individuals argue that obtaining an academic education is the most effective route to achieving success in life,
while
 others disagree that
this
 phenomenon is no longer true. In my opinion, I disagree with the given statement, and I will elaborate on it in
this
 essay. On the one hand, in the past, our industries were not developed so if we want to get professional jobs
such
 as architecture or engineering, we must go to a
university
. At that time, people who went to a
university
 meant success, and many folks thought that people might be wealthy.
For example
, In South Korea, after the Korean War, most facilities were destroyed,
as well as
 the nation's houses.
Consequently
, they need special
skills
 for their country so that they must go to a
university
. So, at that time, if they graduated from the academy, it would lead to success because of that period.
On the other hand
, today, our industries are developed, and many jobs are generated;
as a result
, we do not go to a
university
.
Moreover
, we can choose institutes like technical colleges or technical Secondary schools which learn plenty of
skills
 in those facilities.
For instance
, some studies show that in Germany, most high school pupils do not consider going to an academy, because they can get special
skills
 in their schools or they go to technical academies, which can get those
skills
.
Furthermore
, if they already have unique abilities and Secondary institution graduate certification, many companies want those students, which is beneficial for their company. In conclusion, I disagree with
this
 topic. In the past, most people believed that going to an educational institution was the best way to succeed.
However
, nowadays, because of industrial development, going to a
university
 is an unnecessary thing. So, we should think about our future and choose wisely, and that will be advantageous thing our future lives.
Submitted by livewire53 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task by discussing both views. However, your opinion should have been stated more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good overall coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is well-maintained, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Your lexical resource is sufficient for conveying your ideas. However, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to add more depth and sophistication to your arguments.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is quite good, with few instances of errors. However, make sure to pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to further enhance your writing.
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