IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Countries should invest in railways more than the roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #railways #roads
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Some assume that governments must prioritise the railways over driveways and spend the majority of their finances on trains.
However
, from my point of view, both should be spent money on, as in lots of countries the transport system may appear to be very poor. On the one hand, railways play an important role in connecting various cities and towns.
This
 is a big problem, especially in huge countries
such
 as the USA, Mexico, Germany, the Netherlands, etc. It is almost impossible to socialise very often for individuals who live in the capital and have friends, relatives or acquaintances in other parts and areas of the country.
Nevertheless
, with technological advancement, individuals have gained the opportunity to keep in touch. But the human interaction based solely on phone calls and text messages cannot be considered as a true friendship or a complete relationship.
Therefore
, an effectively planned railway service will definitely help to solve
this
 crucial problem and bring people back together.
On the other hand
, in other parts of the world,
such
 as Russia, India, Brazil and so on, the government must place enormous importance on the roads. As the bad quality of streets resulted in numerous and important hardships in the automobile transport system the population lost all hope of doing
such
 basic things as going to work, doing groceries, visiting their parents, and so forth.
As a result
,
this
 leads to a steady increase in frustration, suicide and depression levels among citizens.
For instance
,
due to
 the fact that a person spends around 2 hours a day in traffic in Moscow, people have started to post signs around the streets saying no to work.
Moreover
, the problem with driveways can
also
 result in some human relationships falling apart as people stop visiting their loved ones. In light of
this
, in my opinion, neither the issue with roads nor with trains is unimportant. The government must prioritise good quality interpersonal communications and invest in both the driveway and railway services.
Submitted by ani.gabrielyan.2006 on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the tone well, but it could be clearer about your stance. State explicitly in your introduction that you believe both investments are important.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to reiterate your main argument in the conclusion concisely, ensuring it ties back to the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use transitions more effectively to improve flow and connection between ideas. For example, use phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' to link paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and provides clear arguments for both sides.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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