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Band 6.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
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Music
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 has a lot of different genres nowadays. The numerous debates about the importance of
music
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 in
people
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's
lives
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 and the need for traditional
music
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 over international
music
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. In
this
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 particular essay, these views will be discussed. Without a doubt, in the world today,
music
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 has become a popular thing involved in
people
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's
lives
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.
As a consequence
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 of the popularity of
music
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, the birth of many different types of
music
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 cannot be avoided. The
music
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 popularity is because a lot of
people
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 need
music
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 in their
lives
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.
According to
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 research and psychology science,
music
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 itself has several benefits to
people
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such
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 as brain cells that can impact emotional feelings. To illustrate,
music
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 can give stimulation to dopamine, one of the brain cells that humans have. When dopamine is triggered by
music
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, it will influence humans’ feelings for feeling happy and can be a mood booster for individuals who felt bad before.
Additionally
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, the popularity of
music
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 is mostly dominated by international
music
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such
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 as K-Pop, and Western
music
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,
while
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 traditional
music
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 has become a rare type of
music
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that is
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 listened to by
people
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, nowadays.
This
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 situation can lead to the problem of extinction because traditional
music
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 is a part of culture in some countries.
Although
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 international
music
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 looks more attractive than traditional
music
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, individuals still need to preserve
this
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 kind of
music
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. It is because traditional
music
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 can be an image of some countries about their culture
such
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 as foreign
people
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 can become aware of a country just from the
music
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. To summarize, as a human, we need
music
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 in our
lives
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 because it can stimulate our dopamine in brain cells which can influence our emotional feelings.
In addition
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, despite international
music
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 being preferred by
people
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 to
this
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 day, traditional
music
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 is still important because it is a part of culture that
people
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 need to preserve to avoid extinction.
Submitted by zakiyaartanti19 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly summarize the main points of the essay and provide a clear roadmap for the reader. Organize ideas in a logical sequence to enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration to support the main points. Ensure that the ideas are directly addressing the question prompt and have a clear focus on the given topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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