IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam’’ How true do you think this statement is? What are measures can the government take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam’’ #measures #government #people #cars
In the contemporary world, more private
cars
 can be seen on the
roads
 as compared to the
last
 thirty years.
As a result
, we are seeing high traffic jams in most of the cities throughout the world. I completely agree with
this
 statement.
Therefore
, I would assert that the
government
 should take some steps to cope with
this
 situation by encouraging
people
 to do more carpooling and using public transport most often
as well as
 by restricting the number of
cars
 by a family. To commence, there are various solutions that the
government
 can take to resolve
this
 issue worldwide.
Firstly
, carpooling, that not only saves petrol or diesel expenses on the
cars
 but
also
 reduces big traffic jams on the
roads
. Providing rides to co-workers or schoolmates up to the specific points
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be a beneficial measure to deal with higher roadblocks on the
roads
.
Consequently
,
this
 will mitigate pollution
along with
 congestion on the streets and
people
 will reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their destinations in less time than usual.
Furthermore
, using public transportation, which is quite cheap, can be another step to deal with
this
 situation. The
government
 should encourage
people
 to take more public transport to travel to the nearest places.
This
 can be done, if there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 fares or no fares, to travel in public buses or trains.
Thus
,
people
 will use these facilities more in order to save their money which ends up with
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 private
cars
 on the
roads
. In conclusion, private vehicles on the
roads
 cause major traffic congestion on the road these days since every member of the family has their own car as compared to the current situation on the
roads
 in the
last
 thirty years.
Therefore
, the
government
 should take steps
such
 as enhancing carpool strategy and providing better public transportation facilities to the locals.
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph contribute to that idea. This will make your arguments more concise and compelling.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more extensively to show relationships between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
tasks achievement
Include more specific examples and data to substantiate your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-formed and provide a clear framework for your argument.
task achievement
You clearly addressed the essay prompt and provided relevant ideas and solutions.
task achievement
Your use of language is generally clear and understandable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • commute times
  • urban areas
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • congestion charges
  • alternative modes of transport
  • cycling
  • walking
  • fuel taxes
  • carpooling
  • electric vehicles
  • traffic jams
  • mitigate
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