IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that government should spend money on public services, while others believe that it should be spent on arts, such as music and theatre. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today’s rapidly changing world,
government
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 expenditure on public
services
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 versus the
arts
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 has become a subject of heated debate.
While
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 some people argue that
government
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 funds should primarily be allocated to public
services
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, others contend that investing in the
arts
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,
such
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 as music and theatre, is essential for cultural enrichment. I firmly believe that
government
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 spending should prioritize public
services
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 because of their direct impact on citizens' well-being and their long-term
benefits
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 for
society
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. One significant reason supporting
this
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 view is that effective public
services
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 provide a foundation for a thriving
society
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.
This
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 is primarily because these
services
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 ensure that healthcare, education, and essential infrastructure are accessible to all, thereby reducing inequality and fostering economic growth.
For instance
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, countries with robust public
services
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 often report higher levels of human development.
Thus
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,
this
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 factor clearly demonstrates the need for increased societal stability and prosperity. Another important aspect to consider is the role of the
arts
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 in cultural and creative development.
This
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 factor is crucial because,
while
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 the
arts
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 enrich our cultural heritage and inspire creativity, their
benefits
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 tend to be more indirect compared to the immediate advantages provided by public
services
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.
For example
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, cities known for their vibrant
arts
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 scene still rely on excellent public
services
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 to support their communities.
Consequently
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,
this
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further
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 emphasizes the complexity of the issue. In summary, the direct
benefits
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 of public
services
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 and the complementary role of the
arts
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leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to the conclusion that
government
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 spending should primarily focus on public
services
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 to secure the fundamental needs of
society
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.
Therefore
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, addressing
this
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 issue effectively could have profound
benefits
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 for
society
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 as a whole.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced discussion by expanding the points for the arts to give a counterargument that is equivalent in depth to your points about public services.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linkage between ideas in your paragraphs to enhance overall flow. For example, use more transitional phrases to connect your sentences and ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and states your opinion, which sets a good tone for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance, providing a strong ending to the essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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