IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
#sales #five #phone #brands
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given chart compares the number of cellular phones sold by 5 different brands worldwide from 2009 to 2013. In general, there was an upward tendency in the revenue of Samsung and Apple;
in addition
Linking Words
, ZTE was always the least popular phone manufacturer. As can be seen from the bar chart, Samsung experienced a stark shift in the figure for customers who demand smartphones, which increased from over 200m
units
Use synonyms
 to nearly 450m
units
Use synonyms
 after 4 years.
This
Linking Words
 means Samsung overtook all remaining characters to become the most prevalent brand.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the money Apple got from selling mobile phones was just 3 million
units
Use synonyms
 in 2009. after which it reached its highest point in 2013 at approximately 150m
units
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2013 and ranked third among the most desired brands.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 2009, Nokia was the best seller in the global mobile phone market and
then
Linking Words
 it witnessed a remarkable decrease in sales in 2011 ( 430m
units
Use synonyms
) and 2013 ( shy of 250m
units
Use synonyms
). Shared the comparable trend, LG's total sales declined by 40
m
Correct your spelling
million
units
Use synonyms
, ending the researched year with 80 million
units
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, ZTE stayed unchanged with a number of sales was not more than 100 million
units
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 brand was not as popular as other brands in the mobile phone market.
Submitted by kthien2125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words m, units with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: