A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter •describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team •summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts •say how you think the company should spend the money
#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #•describe #•summarise #•say
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing in order to give you feedback about the project of sponsoring from your company to our community.
Firstly
, as far as sponsoring the sports team is concerned, you will help a lot of children for two years, leading to encouraging them to realise their dreams. For example
, you can afford new game shirts owing to the fact that they would have access to competition.
On the other hand
, there are benefits to paying for two open-air concerts, firstly
, the city doesn’t have many exhibitions and you will help to improve the local artist community, and then
, people complain about the missing activities during the summer.
Last
but not least, I would like to suggest that you could spend your money on both activities. For example
, one year of supporting children and one concert. In my opinion, this
is the most equal analysis.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further
information.
Kind regards,
Mr VanSubmitted by tony.vantroo on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the letter is clear and follows a standard format. However, the greeting and closing require improvement to maintain formality and politeness. The essay lacks a single main idea per paragraph, leading to unclear organization of ideas.
task achievement
The response addresses both options presented in the prompt and provides reasons for each. However, the essay could demonstrate a stronger grasp of the requirements by clearly stating a recommendation for how the money should be spent. Additionally, the tone should be more formal and appropriate for a letter to a company.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite