Some people think that success of life is based on hard work and determination.Others, however, believe that there are more important factors such as having money or good appearance.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Currently, netizens are discussing which is more important for individuals'

success

Use synonyms

, determination and effort, or external advantages

such

Linking Words

as a handsome

appearance

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. In my view, external advantages do play a role in one's achievement,

nevertheless

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, what is decisive is

people

Use synonyms

efforts

Use synonyms

and persistence.

Although

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I emphasise the significance of endeavours, I have no aversion to conceding that external

factors

Use synonyms

are worth consideration too.

According to

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research conducted by Havard University, in the US, females who have blonde hair and blue eyes which are usually viewed as the characteristics of beauty, find it easier to find a position among managers. The original intention of the research is definitely to promote gender equality in the labour market,

while

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it incidentally discloses the reality that external

factors

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appearance

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do function in

people

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's achievement.

In other words

Linking Words

people

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obtain

success

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to some extent by being blessed by chances.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

does not mean individuals have no choice but to surrender to an elusive destiny.

On the contrary

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, it is precisely because we have clearly recognised the role played by external

factors

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that we profoundly realise the meaning of

efforts

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when persons without outstanding

appearance

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, like Elon Musk, achieve remarkable

success

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. It is irrefutable that Musk is a common person in terms of

appearance

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, but

this

Linking Words

does not hinder him from establishing Tesla, and SpaceX. In the process of setting up these companies, as Musk said in an interview, what is most decisive is a heart that never succumbs and persistent

efforts

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. In light of

this

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people

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efforts

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significantly outweigh those

factors

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which are out of control in one's

success

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. In summary,

although

Linking Words

having money or a good

appearance

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is conducive to obtaining

success

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, the key element in

that is

Linking Words

still one's own

efforts

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and determination.

Therefore

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, we ought to pay more attention to what we can create other than what we lack compared to others.

hx88375757Tue Nov 05 2024

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language

Ensure consistency in word choice and avoid repetitive phrases to enhance clarity.

coherence

Try to weave in a wider variety of linking words and expressions to further improve fluency.

task response

While your examples are strong, consider providing a bit more detail or a secondary example for each point to fully explore both sides of the argument.

task response

Your essay clearly outlines both views on the topic and effectively presents your own opinion in the conclusion.

coherence

The logical flow of ideas is commendable, backed by relevant examples like the study from Harvard University and Elon Musk's success story.

coherence

The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize the key points of your argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

312 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success of life is based on hard work and determination.Others, however, believe that there are more important factors such as having money or good appearance.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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