Some people think that success of life is based on hard work and determination.Others, however, believe that there are more important factors such as having money or good appearance.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Currently, netizens are discussing which is more important for individuals'
success
, determination and effort, or external advantages such
as a handsome appearance
. In my view, external advantages do play a role in one's achievement, nevertheless
, what is decisive is people
's efforts
and persistence.
Although
I emphasise the significance of endeavours, I have no aversion to conceding that external factors
are worth consideration too. According to
research conducted by Havard University, in the US, females who have blonde hair and blue eyes which are usually viewed as the characteristics of beauty, find it easier to find a position among managers. The original intention of the research is definitely to promote gender equality in the labour market, while
it incidentally discloses the reality that external factors
like appearance
do function in people
's achievement. In other words
, people
obtain success
to some extent by being blessed by chances.
However
, this
does not mean individuals have no choice but to surrender to an elusive destiny. On the contrary
, it is precisely because we have clearly recognised the role played by external factors
that we profoundly realise the meaning of efforts
when persons without outstanding appearance
, like Elon Musk, achieve remarkable success
. It is irrefutable that Musk is a common person in terms of appearance
, but this
does not hinder him from establishing Tesla, and SpaceX. In the process of setting up these companies, as Musk said in an interview, what is most decisive is a heart that never succumbs and persistent efforts
. In light of this
, people
's efforts
significantly outweigh those factors
which are out of control in one's success
.
In summary, although
having money or a good appearance
is conducive to obtaining success
, the key element in that is
still one's own efforts
and determination. Therefore
, we ought to pay more attention to what we can create other than what we lack compared to others.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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language
Ensure consistency in word choice and avoid repetitive phrases to enhance clarity.
coherence
Try to weave in a wider variety of linking words and expressions to further improve fluency.
task response
While your examples are strong, consider providing a bit more detail or a secondary example for each point to fully explore both sides of the argument.
task response
Your essay clearly outlines both views on the topic and effectively presents your own opinion in the conclusion.
coherence
The logical flow of ideas is commendable, backed by relevant examples like the study from Harvard University and Elon Musk's success story.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize the key points of your argument.
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