IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #strength #success #sport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 concurrent world, it is widely believed that physical
strength
Use synonyms
 is important for success in
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I quibble
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them and propound that mental
strength
Use synonyms
 is the most important when
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 throw light upon in my upcoming paragraphs, after which I will
led
Change the verb form
lead
be led
show examples
 to
logical
Add an article
a logical
the logical
show examples
 conclusion. There is adequate proof of
this
Linking Words
 view
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
sustainable
Replace the word
sustainability
show examples
. The top-notch
concreate
Correct your spelling
concrete
show examples
 reason is physical
strength
Use synonyms
 can help athlete
competition
Replace the word
compete
show examples
 with others in the match. Take soccer in the State as an example, one of the sports using the body to attack and defend. Another prominent factor
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 into account is physical health somehow
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the competitor feel more confident and healthier. Because having
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 body
meaning
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
 the
player
Use synonyms
 must train their self a lot and have a reasonable diet.
For example
Linking Words
, Ronaldo who is the greatest football
player
Use synonyms
 of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has six packs,
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to jump very high in the game.
This
Linking Words
 is because he had trained his body every day to reach that level.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, I reiterate that there are a plethora of strong factors supporting physical
strength
Use synonyms
 is important for success in
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. Meanwhile, mental
strength
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important
cannot
Correct word choice
and cannot
show examples
 be overshadowed either. In fact, mental health is the most important in my opinion,
player
Use synonyms
having
Capitalize word
Having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good mental will make them feel comfortable before the game,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the way
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
played
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having a good mental can make you help the competitor
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a better
prepare
Replace the word
preparation
show examples
 before the match.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 final match of
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Cup or The NBA final, the
player
Use synonyms
 must have a strong mental because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the big game is coming.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to have
strength
Use synonyms
 mental for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success in the
sport
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by huong.bx on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
What to do next:
Look at other essays: