IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

“Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.” Discuss the effects lack of experience with and understanding of nature can have on children as they grow up. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that many
children
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 spend most of their time indoors
due to
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 busy lifestyles and technological advancements.
As a result
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, they have limited exposure to the natural environment. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine the effects that a lack of experience with
nature
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 can have on
children
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 as they grow up. One of the most apparent effects is that limited contact with
nature
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 can negatively impact physical and mental health. To illustrate, outdoor activities
such
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 as playing in parks or exploring natural surroundings encourage physical exercise and reduce stress.
For instance
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,
children
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 who spend most of their time indoors may develop sedentary habits, which can lead to health problems
such
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 as obesity or poor fitness.
In addition
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, exposure to
nature
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 has been shown to improve mood and concentration, meaning that
children
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 who lack
such
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 experiences may struggle with stress or reduced focus. Another point that should not be overlooked is that a lack of interaction with
nature
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 may limit
children
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’s understanding of the environment and their sense of responsibility towards it. To clarify, direct experience helps
children
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 appreciate the importance of protecting natural resources and ecosystems.
For example
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,
children
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 who rarely encounter
nature
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 may be less aware of environmental issues
such
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 as pollution or climate change.
Furthermore
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, outdoor exploration can stimulate creativity and curiosity, which are essential for cognitive development. Without these experiences,
children
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 may miss important opportunities for learning and personal growth. To recapitulate, it is evident that limited exposure to
nature
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 can negatively affect
children
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’s physical health, mental well-being, and environmental awareness.
Therefore
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, it is important to encourage outdoor activities and provide opportunities for
children
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 to connect with the natural world in order to support their
overall
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 development.

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task response
For task response, you answer the question well, but your ideas could go a bit deeper. You talk about health and care for nature, which is good, but you can add one more clear effect on later life.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant, but they are quite general. Try to add one more real and clear example to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and the order is clear. To make it even better, you can use a few more linking words with care and avoid repeating the same pattern too much.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea, which is good. Still, some sentences could connect more smoothly so the flow feels more natural.
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and stay on topic from start to end.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are clear and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking phrases well, such as 'For instance', 'In addition', and 'Furthermore'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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