IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerablv To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As life expectancy has improved over the past generation, it is argued that retirement age should be significantly increased. I strongly disagree with
this
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 viewpoint and believe that there are no valuable reasons for
this
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 action. First and foremost, the quality of life has become markedly better, thereby making humans live longer.
However
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, it does not necessarily mean that the
overall
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 well-being of the elderly ,
in particular
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, has upgraded.
That is
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 to clarify, older people get easily exhausted, even by doing simple everyday tasks.
Therefore
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, putting them on an extensive working schedule is completely unethical, as it adversely affects both the workers and the companies. What is more, the immune system of retirees is not strong and it is extremely hard for them to resist viruses, a simple cold,
for instance
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, may be a real struggle for them to deal with. The prevalent opinion is that if a person lives longer, that means they have to dedicate more of their time to their job, which I personally find completely incorrect.
Secondly
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, I ponder that elderly people deserve to rest in their remaining years.A vast number of humans work with a huge commitment to the world and the future, so that would be unfair for them to have a regular job for extra years.
Consequently
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, Indian age individuals should be given the right to spend some time with their loved ones and get appropriate relaxation
such
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 as attending spa centres, travelling and enhancing their accommodation by gardening.
Moreover
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, the majority tend to work hard
while
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 in their twenties and thirties, hoping to retire quickly and live a peaceful life. In conclusion, I am against the rising age at which one should retire, for the reasons that retirees to-be are no longer energetic and strong enough to work properly, and there must be some respect by letting them spend the
last
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 few decades in peace with their families and friends.

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coherence cohesion
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grammatical range
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