Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals argue that all
criminals
should be sent to prison,
while
others believe that there are better alternatives, especially for minor offences.
This
essay will explore both viewpoints, and I will share my personal stance. On the one hand, some individuals argue that all
criminals
should be sent to prison could be caused by many advantages for the public.
Firstly
, the threat of imprisonment serves as a deterrent,
prevent
Fix the infinitive
to prevent
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potential
offenders
from committing crimes.
Secondly
, incarcerating
criminals
ensures that they are temporarily removed from society to protect folks.
Finally
, some argue that
offenders
deserve punishment, and that being sent to prison is a just consequence for their actions.
On the other hand
, some think that it is not necessary to send every lawbreaker, particularly for those who offend minors. There are some reasons for
this
view. At
first,
community
service offers a chance for
offenders
to rehabilitate and reintegrate into society by learning new skills and responsibilities.
Moreover
,
offenders
can make amends for their crimes by contributing positively to the
community
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and providing restitution to those affected.
Additionally
, punishing these people by
community
service is often more cost-effective than imprisonment and saving resources. In conclusion, striking a balance between both perspectives is crucial.
While
imprisonment may be necessary for serious
criminals
or repeat
offenders
,
community
service can be a valuable replacement for minor crimes. In my opinion, prioritizing rehabilitation and addressing the root causes of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
should be central to the justice system, ultimately aiming to create safer communities and reduce the cycle of crime.
Submitted by Nini on

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coherence cohesion
Increase the variety of cohesive devices used to link ideas across and within paragraphs to provide a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Work on deepening the elaboration in both body paragraphs with more compelling, detailed examples that are relevant to the claims made, to strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay meets the requirements of the task by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, try to provide a more detailed exposition of the reasons and implications behind each view for a higher score.
task achievement
Be cautious to ensure that the relevance of examples is explicit and clearly linked to support the main points made. Adding statistics or citing studies could also enhance the persuasiveness of the claims.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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